One question that I hear again and again from clients,
colleagues, friends and family when their facing difficult challenges is “Why
me?” That’s got to be the million dollar
question and one that I’ve spent a lot of my time pondering ... Why do bad things
happen to good people?
I have to say that I’ve had more than my fair share of
adversity in my life, so much so that friends have actually said to me, “How can
you possibly come back after this?” “How do you manage to keep getting back up
every time you receive such a massive (metaphorical) slap?” Even my dad (yes my dad!) actually said to me, “You must
have been very bad in previous life!” ... and we're Christians!
My conclusion is that no matter how hard the situation seems
at the time, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
If my life hadn’t been (what feels like) a continuous succession of challenging
scenarios I wouldn’t have been hell bent on finding solutions. Each time a challenge arises, I set off
trying to find a solution whether it be reading a particularly book (I’ve read
hundreds of self development books over the years and still make it my aim to
read at least one a month), I’ve become an NLP master practitioner, I’ve
learnt EFT, advanced coaching skills, I’ve trained with some of the world’s
best coaches, I’ve attended dozens of seminars, talks and workshops. The result – well not only has all that
helped me manage my own challenges but it’s also led me to help hundreds – thousands
if you count my blog readership – manage their challenges too.
Without those countless trials and tribulations, I would
have had no need to continuously search for solutions, finding new
techniques and approaches which not only have helped me, but I've been able to pass the best of them on to my clients and
readers.
I was having a coaching session recently with the well known American
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) coach Brad Yates and I asked him the “Why Me?” question about why so much seemingly negative stuff can happen to one person. His reply, “How can you
help people if you’ve never been through anything? How can you be a good coach if you’ve never
lived with adversity? ... You can’t - you simply wouldn’t be credible!”
That said it is incredibly difficult to see the good when
you’re in the midst of a difficult and challenging situation. It’s often only months or even years after
that you see the lesson that you needed to learn from that challenge. Therefore, I also believe that that apart from
other things, life is a series of lessons, if we don’t learn the lesson it
keeps on knocking until we listen and change something – hence, ‘Everything happens for a reason’ and my favourite saying, 'Always do what you've always done, always get what you've always got'.
Exercise 1
Exercise 1
Look back on some of the challenges that you’ve had over the
years – step away from them as if you’re watching them on a movie screen (so
that you’re not too associated with them) – can you see the lesson you needed to
learn? There will be one if you look
hard enough.
Exercise 2The next time you’re facing a challenging situation, ask yourself “What’s the lesson I need to learn here?” Use ‘Owner’ questions to find out what the real reason is and you may find that you are able to move through the challenge much more quickly than you would using ‘Victim’ and ‘woe is me’ type questions.
If you are going through a particularly challenging time and
would like to have a free, no obligation chat about how I can help you, please
do not hesitate to contact me.
Jo
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