I hadn’t
planned on posting this information. However,
I’ve had lots of feedback asking about what different body language poses mean regarding male/female
attraction. So it seems that you’re interested in hearing more, so here goes...
If you’ve read the other three posts in this Body Language series, you’ll
know that no matter how far we think we’ve come in terms of equality between
men and women, our evolutionary, subconscious reactions to each other yet haven’t
caught up. Our
physiology (body language, facial expressions
and paralinguistics – pitch, tone, speed of voice) are predominantly instinctive/natural
reactions of which we aren’t always consciously aware.
It’s important to become more aware of your physiology,
especially when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex, so as not to
offend or give the other person the wrong idea about your intentions. For example, what a man may think is a reasonable
pose may be quite offensive to a woman; alternatively, what a woman may think as
being ‘friendly’ may be interpreted as a ‘come on’ by a male and vice versa!
The easiest
way for me to explain the differences between male/female attraction is to
split the traits into two:
Female:
On spotting someone she finds attractive:
- Suck ‘n’ Tuck – she will stand taller (pull herself up to her full height), suck in her stomach and stick out her boobs to show off their best assets.
- The ‘sashay’ – swings her hips from side to side as she walks.
- Hair – she will play with her hair, twirling it around her fingers or tossing it over her shoulder if it’s long. I once witnessed the most bizarre display of hair tossing I’ve ever seen.This was a woman in a nightclub who kept dropping her head forward so that her hair fell over her face and violently jerk her head back so that her hair fell down her back. Far from looking attractive, to me, she looked slightly crazy! She was definitely overdoing it.
- Head gestures – many women will use the sideways ‘peek-a-boo’ look. This is a quick sultry look where the woman will make sure the man is looking at her, then quickly look away. Or she may tilt her head sideways, revealing her most vulnerable part, her exposed neck.
- Blushing – I don’t think I need to explain that one.
- Facial changes – when we find someone attractive (this is the same for a male or female), our pupils slightly enlarge, and blood pumps to the lips, making them seem fuller.
- Hand gestures – a woman will put her hands on her hips to draw the man’s attention to her childbearing capacity or touch her mouth to bring awareness to it.
Before you get all feminist on me for the last point, remember, our
human subconscious behaviour hasn’t yet caught up with our conscious minds, and
these movements are usually entirely without our realising that we’re doing
them.
Male
On spotting someone he finds attractive:
- Suck ‘n’ tuck – as with females and man will draw himself up to his tallest and suck in his stomach.
- Preening – a man may check his hair, slick down his eyebrows (honestly) and check his clothing.
- Body Language – a man will often put his hands on his hips to make himself seem larger.
- A man will lean in/lean forward, and his hips will be square on to the lady he’s talking to. This shows that he’s fully engaged in the conversation.
- The Crotch Display – this is where the man sits either with one ankle over one knee or with his legs completely splayed. In extreme cases, it is usually accompanied either by hands behind the head or outstretched resting on the back of the chairs, either side or across the back of the sofa.If these arm movements are involved, it’s subconsciously shouting, “LOOK AT ME, I’M VIRILE ... CHOOSE ME!” Alternatively, it could mean, “I think I’m better than you.” Now, guys, I have to say that to a woman, this pose, far from being attractive to us, can be a huge turn-off and sometimes hugely inappropriate.
I once had a business meeting with a man who sat opposite me doing a
full crotch display with his arms outstretched
on the chairs on either side of him. That
just screamed either, “COME AND GET ME” or “I’M SO MUCH MORE SENIOR THAN YOU
AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT”.
Either way, it
was downright rude in a business (or pretty much any) scenario and made me feel
very uncomfortable. He definitely wasn't
reading my body language (arms crossed/legs crossed, perched awkwardly on the
edge of my seat)! Guys, you need to be careful with this pose; you may want to tone it down a touch – at least
drop the widespread arms! Men also use this posture when they’re together in a
group – it’s a display of manhood, i.e., ‘mine’s bigger than yours’!
Touching is interesting from both a male and female point
of view. If one finds the other
attractive, they will tend to touch them
fleetingly and enter the other person’s Outer Personal Zone (or even their
Inner Zone - see the first post in this
series for more information regarding zones).
Therefore, it’s important to understand that if you are a generally ‘touchy-feely’ or a demonstrative person, others may read things into it that you don’t
mean, i.e.,
they may think that you find them attractive.
Another good
way to tell if two people are attracted to each other
is to look at their body language as a whole, especially their feet. Individuals
who are drawn to each other will use open
body language with open palms (if someone hides their palms, it’s a dead
giveaway that they don’t like talking to the other person, and they have
something to hide).
Also, THE very best
thing to note is which way their feet are pointing. We always point our feet in the direction
that we want to go. Therefore, if someone’s feet are pointing away from the
other person, then they want to get away in the direction that their feet are
pointing.
Going back to yesterday’s post, if you really want someone to fall for
you, you need to get in ‘rapport’ with them as quickly as possible. Therefore, as soon as you start a conversation with them, begin to do some subtle mirroring.
Take it slowly, at first. That way, they
won’t consciously notice when they pick
up their glass; you pick up yours. When they
cross their legs, you cross yours. Keep your palms open, lean in and
point your feet towards the person. Although,
if there is real chemistry between you, you’ll notice that you are mirroring
each other subconsciously anyway!
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