Top 5 Regrets

A friend and client of mine recently posted an article she’d read in The Guardian Online about an Australian palliative nurse, Bronnie Ware, who recorded the 5 regrets of the terminally ill and included them on her blog.  Now, far from being a depressing read, it was actually quite uplifting.

As you’ll be aware if you’ve read previous posts, I attend as many workshops/seminars I can with National and International Transformative Coaches (these guys don’t just do coaching using the GROW model, they go much deeper than that ... they do what it says on the tin, they ‘transform’ lives) and one thing recurring tools that's used to creative positive changes the the participants lives, no matter whose seminar it is, is ‘If you were at the end of your life, what would be your biggest regret and if you could talk to yourself the age you are now, what would you say?”

This is actually really powerful and I often use this technique with my own clients to help them identify what’s important in their lives and what’s not.  It’s also a good start for people who know that they need to make changes in their lives but are unsure what it is they want or where to start.

The top 5 regrets which Bronnie recorded:

1.      I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2.      I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3.      I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4.      I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5.      I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

I’m always promoting the fact that happiness/positivity is a choice and by removing old patterns and habits your life can be immeasurably improved.

Exercise

Project yourself forward towards the end of your life (don’t stay there though!) what things do you think you would regret if you changed nothing?  What would you say to the ‘you’ of today about what you see?

Give it a go.  It’s a really powerful tool to bring you back to the ‘now’ and help identify what’s important in your life and what’s not.  If there are things you need to change, write them down (what gets written down gets done) and do one little thing about each one TODAY!  Big changes start with one small step.

If you would like to discuss this or any other issues I’ve raised in any of my previous posts, I’d love to hear from you.  I'd also like to hear your feedback if you actually try with exercise.

Until next time, I hope you have a wonderful Sunday!

Jo

PS Thanks to Jo.