Victim or Owner?

Are you a Victim of your life or are you an Owner?  According to Steve Chandler, Bestselling Author and International Success Coach, you can pretty much divide the world’s population into two:  Victims and Owners.

So, let’s look at some definitions:

Victims

·        Victims continually moan about their situation but rarely do anything about it usually for one or combination of the following reasons:

o   They don’t want to (yes honestly – some people just revel in negativity)

o   They don’t know that they can

o   They don’t know how to

·        Nothing is the Victim’s fault.  Their situation/whatever’s happening to them is always due to someone or something else eg the government, their mother/ father/ husband/ children / sister/ brother/ boss/ employer/ life!

·        If anything good happens to them, they complain, “well it’s bound to go wrong”

·        Think they’re unlucky

·        Think and say things like “It’s alright for [him/her/them] they’re this that or the other”

·        Believe that nothing good ever happens to them

·        Push issues under the carpet in the hope that they’ll go away

·        Feel sorry for themselves most of the time

·        Think everyone’s out to get them

·        Display negative body language and speak negatively almost continuously

·        People don’t want to be around them and steer clear as much as they can eg I have a ‘friend’ on Facebook and every post she leaves is a negative one; she moans about money, her 2 jobs, the fact that she works 12 hour shifts, her car’s broken down, she won’t get a day off for another 2 months.  Subsequently, people have actively started to ‘de-friended’ her and she can’t figure out why. It’s because no-one wants to listen to continual moaning, it’s just not pleasant to be around, read or listen to especially if the person seems to make no effort to make things better for themselves

·        Are ‘glass half empty’

Owners

·         Take control of their lives

·         Are fundamentally happy

·         Deal with issues as they arise in a positive way

·         See the good in people

·         Don’t take no for an answer

·         Look for the positives in a situation  

·         Keep a positive outlook and think positive thoughts no matter what’s happening

·         Don’t dwell on the negative

·         Bounce back quickly from adversity

·         Look for opportunities

·         Don’t think too much about what other people think of them

·         People want to be around them – they’re fun, give off amazing energy and people gravitate towards them

·         Are ‘glass half full’

So is it that Owners don’t have the problems that Victims have?  Are they somehow miraculously shielded by a Super Hero cape that protects them from anything bad happening to them?  Absolutely not,  they are affected by illness, money issues, family problems, floods, fires, losing their jobs/business, births, marriages and deaths the same as Victims.  So, what is the difference then?  The difference is how they think and feel about what’s happening to them.  The Owner either consciously or unconsciously chooses to think positively about their life and the situations that arise.  That’s it!  That’s all there is.  That’s the only difference.

They are no luckier than a Victim; they just choose to see things in a more positive way and because they have that positive view, they are ultimately much more resourceful.  Their mind isn’t clouded by doubt, sadness, apathy, negativity and therefore they see things more clearly and are able to take positive action.  They view situations without negative emotions which enables them to deal with things more effectively.

If you’ve been reading my other posts, you must be seeing a theme by now.  Thinking positively changes EVERYTHING.  “Oh it’s easy for you to say.  Miss Positivity!” I hear some of you thinking.  Well yes actually, it is easy!   It’s also possible to start to think more positively and move from being a Victim to an Owner even if you’ve had a lifetime of negative thoughts.  I’m testament to that – I used to be unbelievably negative until I realised that I actually had a choice. Now I’m not saying that I’m positive every second of every day, it’s definitely a work in progress, but if I notice any negativity creeping in, I deal with it ... quickly before it takes a hold, using the techniques I’m telling you about.

So how do we actually make that transition from negative to positive, Victim to Owner?  Well believe it or not, you’ve already started.  By the mere fact that you’re reading this means that you are now aware that you have a choice, if you weren’t already aware.  You should also (if you’ve been reading my other posts) be recognising negative thoughts when they occur and hopefully be changing them to positive ones.  If you’re not sure how to do that, it’s much more simple than it sounds:

Positivity Exercise

As soon as you notice a negative thought, think of something you love, a family member, a pet, a sunny day, anything that you love, that makes you smile and gives you a warm feeling inside.  Positive and negative thoughts cannot occur at the same time and therefore one cancels out the other, just make sure it’s the right one!

The more you practise positive thinking, the easier it will be and the better your life will become.  You’ll notice situations aren’t so difficult, people react to you in a much more positive manner, strange ‘coincidences’ will start to happen and you’ll start to feel happier and more contented.  We weren’t born to be sad, unhappy and negative, they’re just unhelpful  behaviours that we’ve learned along the way.  By the same measure, you can learn new happy, positive behaviours to replace them.

Well I hope that’s helpful, if nothing else it should make you think - Are YOU a Victim or an Owner? 

I’ve had quite a lot of questions about coaching recently (especially the style of coaching I use) and what its all about, so I’ll cover in my next post.  In the meantime, if you have any queries or feedback on anything I’ve written, or indeed if you’d like me to cover something in a future post, I’d love to hear from you.

And I'd just like to say a quick thank you to you for your support.  I’m overwhelmed with the fantastic reception I’ve received in my first ‘blogging’ week.

Until next time, as Michael Neill would say (he’s another Author and Success Coach who you’ll be hearing more of as the weeks go on) ... Have fun and learn heaps.

Jo