Have you ever actually listened to how you talk to yourself? Some people don’t even realise they do talk to themselves, their internal voice is such a part of them that they don’t even question it or that they even have it, let alone have control over it. However, every action, every single thing we do or say in a day starts with a thought and that thought, whether we realise it or not comes to us in words and/or pictures, followed closely by feelings.
So if you stopped for a minute and actually listened to your internal voice right now, what is it saying to you? Most importantly, HOW is it talking to you? Is it kind and loving, or nasty and cruel, is it sympathetic or angry, is it positive or negative? Here’s another question, would you let someone else talk to you the way you’re letting your inner voice talk to you?
When I do this exercise with clients, so many of them actually can’t believe how nasty and negative that voice is for example, I was coaching female client a couple of weeks ago who said that her voice was unbelievably nasty and critical. When I asked her to explain the type of things she said to herself, this is some of what she came up with:
“Stupid cow … why did you do that? You’re useless”
“Oh you’re so fat and ugly, why would anyone love you”
“I hate my body”
“Oh my God, can you do nothing right?”
Until I’d pointed it out, she hadn’t realised how horrible she was being to herself. When I asked her:
“Would you let someone else talk to you that way?”
“Are you kidding? No way!”
“So why are you talking to yourself that way?”
“Don’t know, I’d never actually thought about it until you pointed it out!”
The point here being we do have a choice in how we talk to ourselves. So many of us stumble blindly through our day wondering why we feel stressed and upset at the end of it, totally oblivious to the fact that we have a choice in how we think, positive or negative and how we talk to ourselves, positive or negative.
Now that I’ve pointed this out to you, those of you who do speak negatively to yourself will be much more aware and notice that you’re doing so and STOP IT! Do what my client did and think how you’d feel if someone else were saying those things to you and change the negative things into something positive instead. “That’s easier said than done” I hear you say. Well actually, it is easy and this is how you do it:
Changing Negative Thoughts Exercise
Think of one thing you like about yourself and focus on that. If you can’t think of something, think of something positive that you’d like to be, do or have. It really is that easy.
Positive and negative thoughts cannot co-exist. It’s impossible. It may take a little practice at first, but you’ll soon get the hang of it. It may even feel a little strange saying nice things to yourself at first, but by regularly noticing your inner voice and correcting it when it’s negative, you’ll soon (without much effort) notice a much more positive you. In fact, the more you practice it, the more the positive thoughts will become the predominant ones and you’ll recognise those negative thoughts instantly and change them quickly.
People are under the misapprehension that it’s difficult to change the habits of a lifetime, but it really isn’t. That’s just something we tell ourselves in order to feel better about keeping those old unhelpful habits. It just takes a little practice and can make a massive difference in your becoming a happier, healthier you. For those of you who are already positive and talk to yourselves in a positive and nurturing way, great, give yourself a hug mental hug!
Next time, I’ll talk about how to stop negative thoughts taking hold. Clients often say that they dwell on negative thoughts to such an extent that it negatively affects them and their relationships. Until then, I’d be interested in hearing whether you tried the ‘positive inner voice’ exercise and how you found it.
Have a wonderful week.
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