How to Cope with Redundancy - Part 1

 

Sadly, it’s pretty much a given that at some point we will have to face redundancy.  Long gone are the days when you could expect to a job for life and yet although we know this to be true, it is still an enormous, often earth shattering shock that happens to us.

As you know if you read my posts on a regular basis, I have coached hundreds of people over the years who have been facing redundancy and almost everyone goes through the same stages (albeit at differing speeds) of the ‘change curve’.

I have explained the change curve in another post, click here, in essence it’s a series of stages that we go through whenever we are going through a major change – that process is broadly the same whatever the change whether is grief, loss of a loved one, breakup of a relationship – the reasons may be different, but the stages the same.

 

With regard to job loss, it’s really important to know where you are on the curve at any one time, because that way, you’ll know that your thoughts and feelings are just a normal part of the process.  When you’re working as part of a team, it’s good to share the curve with your colleagues because they will easily be able to identify you behaviour against the curve (or there’s if the team is under consultation) and quickly identify what stage you’re at.  That then can allow them to help you move through to the next, more positive stage quicker.

Whenever I’m doing a redundancy workshop with a group or teams, there’s always an air of realisation when I share the curve and almost a sense of relief when people realise that their feelings are completely normal.

It’s also completely normal to move forwards and backwards on the curve from day to day (or hour to hour as some of my clients like to inform me).  For example, I had a client who came to me very soon after the announcement that he was at risk and he said, “I know all about the change curve  and I’m right over on the ‘Decision’ bit because I’ve applied for a few jobs and I’ve got 2 interviews, so there’s no need to worry about me I’m just fine”  The next time I saw him, I thought he was a different person, his physiology had completely changed and he look extremely unhappy.  “What’s happened?” I asked, “I thought you were fine!”  “I didn’t get the jobs I went for and I’m devastated, in fact I feel worse than devastated because I thought I was sorted, I’m feeling so frustrated right now.” 

Once we discussed that it was completely normal to feel that way and I referred him back to our first meeting when we discussed the change curve, there was a realisation and he was quickly able to accept that his feelings were quite normal and although he was still unhappy, he was able to see that it wouldn’t last and we were able to put a structured plan in place for the actions he needed to take to find the right job for him.

In summary, facing redundancy is a very difficult but rather inevitable part of life in this day and age, as long as you can recognise that you will go through a series of emotions as a result, then you are more likely to be able to take control of your future and plan your way through it successfully.

In the next few posts, I’ll be  talking more about managing your emotions through such a difficult period, discussing how to put together an effective plan to ensure that you find your dream job – that will include where to look and the actions you need to take - “Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail!”  plus how to write and effective CV and the all important interview skills.

 

In the meantime, if you (or someone you know) are facing redundancy and would like a free, no obligation chat about how I can help you through it and find the right job for you, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Jo

Managing Change - Change Curve

For all of us, change is inevitable – nothing stays the same forever and as much as we think we might like that, in reality I don’t think we would.  Our lives are in constant change – we get new jobs, we’re made redundant, get married, have children, children grow up and leave home, we move house, etc etc – every day something in our lives changes. 

If this is the case, then why are we so afraid of it? More than anything, it’s the unknown that unnerves us and when there are BIG changes going on in our lives, we can almost grieve for what perceive that we’ve lost or are going to lose.  

Over my coaching career, I’ve worked with hundreds of people who have been put under threat of redundancy (I’ll deal specifically with managing redundancy in a separate post) and what that has allowed me to do is really understand the effects such a life changing event can have on us and see that there really is a very clear process that we go through when dealing with it.  This process happens to be exactly the same process that we go through with any major change including the loss of a loved one.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross studied grief in detail and formulated her famous model of the stages of grief; she never intended it to become a prescription or definitive pathway to healing. It was simply a description of the stages through which people cope and deal with loss – any kind of loss.

Anyone who's ever suffered a major (or even minor) setback will recognise some version of denial, anger, frustration, depression, experimentation, decision making and integration at play in their own experience.  As we begin to notice that our feelings come from our thoughts, not our experience, the "stages" become easy to see as distinct thoughts:

• Shock – “This can’t be happening.”
• Denial - "This isn't really happening."
• Anger/Frustration - "This is happening, but it shouldn't be and it's ______'s fault."
• Depression - "This is happening and it's awful, and there's nothing I can do about it." 
• Experiment – “This is happening and it’s awful, maybe I could try this _____.”
• Decision – “This is happening and I can do this about it.”
• Integration - "This is happening and it's OK.  Life goes on.  What's next?"

It’s hard to see that change is a process when we’re right in the middle of it and we’re hurting.  However, I find that when I present this information to my clients it often provokes an “ah-ha!” moment, a moment of realisation that what they are going through is perfectly natural and that even in their darkest moments, they can see that what they’re going through is a process and there will be an end to it.
 

It’s also important to note that as you work your way through the stages, occasionally you may find that you slip back, for example you may be at the experimentation stage and something that you’re hopeful will work doesn’t and you slip back to frustration or depression – however, it’s important to know that that’s OK and perfectly normal.  Don’t be discouraged, know that it’s a perfectly normal response and carry on moving forward. 

   

Another point to note is that you should try not to stay in any of the stages for too long.  A bit of wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself is fine and completely normal, however, it’s important not to stay there and move through at a steady pace. Enlist the help of friends and family to help you move through and support you as you do.

   

If you do find yourself going through a particularly challenging life event, I urge you to print this chart off and stick it to the fridge or somewhere you can easily see it to you remind you that things will get better.  I find it’s also helpful if friends/family/colleagues see this chart because quite often when we are under pressure, it can affect the people around us.  By them understanding your situation and by them also being able to identify the stage you are in, they can help you (or in extreme cases, they may not take offence if you’re less than your normal polite self!).

  

For my most up to date blog posts, click here to visit my new website, jobanks.net.

Jo

Everything Happens for a Reason

 

One question that I hear again and again from clients, colleagues, friends and family when their facing difficult challenges is “Why me?”  That’s got to be the million dollar question and one that I’ve spent a lot of my time pondering ... Why do bad things happen to good people?

I have to say that I’ve had more than my fair share of adversity in my life, so much so that friends have actually said to me, “How can you possibly come back after this?” “How do you manage to keep getting back up every time you receive such a massive (metaphorical) slap?”  Even my dad (yes my dad!) actually said to me, “You must have been very bad in previous life!” ... and we're Christians!

My conclusion is that no matter how hard the situation seems at the time, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.  If my life hadn’t been (what feels like) a continuous succession of challenging scenarios I wouldn’t have been hell bent on finding solutions.  Each time a challenge arises, I set off trying to find a solution whether it be reading a particularly book (I’ve read hundreds of self development books over the years and still make it my aim to read at least one a month), I’ve become an NLP master practitioner, I’ve learnt EFT, advanced coaching skills, I’ve trained with some of the world’s best coaches, I’ve attended dozens of seminars, talks and workshops.  The result – well not only has all that helped me manage my own challenges but it’s also led me to help hundreds – thousands if you count my blog readership – manage their challenges too.

Without those countless trials and tribulations, I would have had no need to continuously search for solutions, finding new techniques and approaches which not only have helped me, but I've been able to pass the best of them on to my clients and readers.

I was having a coaching session recently with the well known American EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) coach Brad Yates and I asked him the “Why Me?” question about why so much seemingly negative stuff can happen to one person.  His reply, “How can you help people if you’ve never been through anything?  How can you be a good coach if you’ve never lived with adversity? ... You can’t - you simply wouldn’t be credible!”

That said it is incredibly difficult to see the good when you’re in the midst of a difficult and challenging situation.  It’s often only months or even years after that you see the lesson that you needed to learn from that challenge.  Therefore, I also believe that that apart from other things, life is a series of lessons, if we don’t learn the lesson it keeps on knocking until we listen and change something – hence, ‘Everything happens for a reason’ and my favourite saying, 'Always do what you've always done, always get what you've always got'. 

Exercise 1

Look back on some of the challenges that you’ve had over the years – step away from them as if you’re watching them on a movie screen (so that you’re not too associated with them) – can you see the lesson you needed to learn?  There will be one if you look hard enough. 

Exercise 2

The next time you’re facing a challenging situation, ask yourself “What’s the lesson I need to learn here?” Use ‘Owner’ questions to find out what the real reason is and you may find that you are able to move through the challenge much more quickly than you would using ‘Victim’ and ‘woe is me’ type questions.

If you are going through a particularly challenging time and would like to have a free, no obligation chat about how I can help you, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Jo

3 Ways to Become 'Discouragement Proof'

Recently I’ve become fascinated with what makes people and businesses thrive during the tough economic times.  Through my research I believe that the key to success is to become "discouragement proof”.

1.     Drop the ‘Victim’ script

 

In an outside-in world, where your state of mind is at the mercy of events, it's natural to blame things on outside forces, ranging from the economy to management to the incompetence and dishonesty of your own colleagues. But when you see that the only thing that can take you up or down is your own thinking, it's difficult to maintain the story that anything outside of you is "doing it to you".

Dropping the victim scripts meant less time spent assigning fault and blame and more time looking for solutions.  

 

2.     Use your creativity

Creativity is sometimes seen as a mysterious thing, but at its essence, it's simply a way of describing our infinite capacity for new thought. When we recognise that capacity is ever present, we also see that the possibility to solve any problem is never more than one thought away.
 
Recognising our incredible capacity for new thought in any moment means challenges can be faced head on instead of ducked, avoided, or feared. Problems became opportunities for creativity and innovation instead of nails in the coffin of possibility.

3.     Don’t give up!

Anyone who's ever suffered a major (or even minor) setback will recognize some version of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance at play in their own experience.  All of these ‘stages’ are not as a result of what’s happened to us, but how we think/feel about it. So rather than get stuck in any one thought about what's happening, the natural resilience of the human mind means we can change our thoughts whenever we need to.
 
The ability to bounce back quickly means that people were willing to try and try and try and try again without losing hope.  And persistence, creativity, and a good feeling between you and those around you is a breeding ground for success.

Final thoughts...

1.         We are living in the feeling of our thinking
2.         New thought is available to us in any moment!

If there are any obstacles that you or your business is facing at the moment or you simply require some clarity around your goals, please do not hesitate to give me a call for a free no obligation conversation about how I can help you.

Jo