Body Language – Series 2 – How to Spot a Liar

 

I know that I’ve covered this  subject in my first Body Language series, however, as it was one of my most read posts I didn’t see any harm in re-capping and adding some more information. 

 

It seems that so many of us are interested in knowing what to look for in order to spot a liar and there are very clear tell tale signs if we know what to look for. 

Why do we lie?

We are programmed to trust, it’s one of the evolutionary skills that we’ve developed as humans, it’s key to our survival and amongst other reasons, we lie to make others like us, and it seems contradictory, but to gain their trust.  We lie:

a.       To make ourselves feel better

b.      To protect ourselves and others

c.       For the hell of it!  Thrill seekers love to lie; it puts them in the limelight and gives them the attention they seek.

When we lie there are certain things that we do that give it away, no matter how we try to cover up our lies, our body language will always give us away.  As I mentioned in my previous post in this series, Body Language & Communication, if we are trying to cover up a lie, our physiology (body language, tone, intonation, facial expressions etc) won't match what we are saying verbally, they will be incongruent, this is known as body language ‘leakage’.  That incongruence is not always immediately apparent, we tend to notice it on a subconscious level which tends to manifest itself in a feeling - a gut feeling that something isn't quite right.

Here are the signs to look out for when trying to spot a liar from what they do rather than what they say – this is the kind of 'leakage' you’d normally see:

1.       Clamping the mouth shut (this can actually be a really small movement, pursing the lips or pressing the lips together tightly) it’s an subconscious attempt to stop the truth from escaping

2.       Covering the mouth with a hand or scarf etc, again it’s an attempt to stop the truth from coming out

3.       We tense up, our body tightens and we look stiffer than usual

4.       We overcompensate for the lie and make very few movements – gesturing is reduced to a minimum in an attempt to control any potential ‘leakage’ of our lie

5.       Eye movements are unwavering and unnatural – often we will avoid eye contact

6.       We adjust/pull down our sleeves as if we have something to hid

7.       We push our tongues out whilst generally keeping our mouth's shut - is a gesture that we use when we are trying to push away a question or a comment that we don’t like.  It comes from when we were babies and we pushed away the breast after feeding.  I saw a great example of this recently on TV.  I was watching The Voice and Will I Am made a joke at Tom Jones' expense, Tom laughed but he did this tongue movement which was a dead giveaway that he wasn’t happy

8.       We tend to lean forward in an attempt to push our version of events on the other person

9.       We shrug, subconsciously disowning what we’re saying

10.   We close our eyes or tend to blink more rapidly in an attempt to separate ourselves from those around us – it’s also an indication that the brain is thinking rapidly, the more you think the more rapidly you blink and your brain will be going into overdrive trying to remember what you’ve lied about, it allows the brain to concentrate more

11.   We hide the palms of our hands or completely keep our hands out of view – people who have something to hide, will always try and hide the palms of their hands, that’s where the term, ‘showing your hand’ comes from, not from playing cards which is a common misconception   

12.   Women can sometimes be seen to flick their hair (if it’s long), which indicates that they are getting a private thrill from fooling people

13.   Cheating partners manipulate to get what they want on their own terms – we tell the most lies at the beginning of a relationship when we think we are least likely to be found out

14.   Liars are masters of repetition, they say the same things over and over again because they don’t have the where wit all to create new facts!

In Summary

Always take notice of your gut feeling, I’ve discussed it before in previous posts, it’s there for a reason, it’s an inbuilt mechanism to keep us safe – if your gut feeling tells you that someone is lying or that something isn’t quite right what someone ... it probably isn’t!

Relationships are always tough and require constant work.  Are there any relationships in your life that could be better?  Contact me for a free no obligation conversation regarding how I can help you.

 

Jo