The ‘My Life’s Worse than Yours’ Competition

I met a friend recently who I haven’t seen for quite some time, in fact, it’s been over a year, so we had quite a lot of catching up to do.  Now as you can probably imagine, I try to be quite careful in any conversations not to be negative and if something negative has happened to me (which it does as often as it does to everyone else) I always try to see it from a positive point of view.  After all, we can’t always change the things that happen to us, but we can choose how we feel and react to them.

I was telling this person about some particularly trying things that had happened in the intervening time since we last met, which I hoped where tapered by the positives that I could see eg lessons I’d learned from those situations.  However, this seemed to open the floodgates for my friend to tell me just how awful her life was in comparison to mine.  She actually seemed to get quite excited about telling me how awful things had been.  Her body language changed and became more animated; her voice changed pitch and tone and speeded up considerably as she regaled all the horrors that she had dealt with - all in an attempt to persuade me how much worse her life was than mine. 

I found this really fascinating and actually quite disturbing.  I know I’ve mentioned this before in other posts, but why would want to win a ‘my life is worse than yours’ competition?  I certainly wouldn’t and yet it’s quite common place.  Some people just can’t seem to resist being the one that’s most hard done to, or who has had the worst life.

After our meeting, as I thought more about what had taken place, I took to my Facebook page to canvas opinion as to why my FB friends thought that people behaved in this way.  The general consensus was that it was attention seeking.  Some people just love attention no matter whether it’s positive or negative and in fact some people just love to be negative and actually define themselves by their negativity.  It‘s something that we usually learn in childhood.  Some children get little reaction if they are good and positive when growing up, but quickly learn that if something awful (perceived or otherwise) happens to them, then they get lots of attention … the more awful or dramatic, the more attention they receive.  That learned behaviour then sticks with them into adult life.

So the next time you find yourself getting into that, “Well my life’s worse than yours” discussion/competition, stop, smile to yourself and be happy to let the other person win – after all, is that something that you really want to win?

Jo

The Law of Attraction - An Overview

Although an avid devote of the Law of Attraction for many years, I haven’t chosen to write about it thus far.  But as I keep proving that it works over and over again for mef and because I still keep coming across people who haven’t heard about it, I thought it was a topic that it would be remise of me not to cover.

For most people, the extent of their knowledge about the Law of Attraction is either zero or what they’ve read in Rhonda Byrne’s fabulous books ‘The Secret’ and ‘The Power’ and the film ‘The Secret’.  If you haven’t read them, then they are probably the 2 books that I recommend people begin with when they first start to explore ‘Attraction’ as a concept and I’ve lost count of the number of these books I’ve bought for people who I think they would benefit.  However, whilst these two books are really good, they really are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to studying the subject and boy have I studied it.  I think it’s a shame that most people stop their studying there and think these books are the ultimate when it comes to the Law of Attraction because they’re missing so much good stuff.

I think must have  read the majority of books out there on the subject right from the earliest New Thought Authors who began writing about this back at the turn of the century, writers like ‘Wallace Wattles’ (The Science of Getting Rich, the Science of Being Great and the Science of Being Well) Napoleon Hill (Think and Grow Rich – you can get your free copy of this classic by signing up to my newsletter – click here) though to modern day experts like Eckhart Tolle, Joe Vitale, Tony Robins, Dr Wayne W Dyer and Joseph Murphy, to name but a few.

So for the uninitiated, what is the Law of Attraction?

The law of attraction is a principle that I’ve mentioned many times but not actually referred to as the ‘Law of Attraction’ and in very basic terms:

“We get what we think about/thoughts become things”

The more negative thoughts we have, the more negative thoughts come to us and the more positive thoughts we have the more positive thoughts come and it doesn’t end there (you’ve heard my say this a million times).  According to the  Law of Attraction, the more negative things we think about, the more negative things (people, situations) we actually attract into our lives, equally the more positive things we think about, the more positive things we attract into our lives.

This can be a bit hard to comprehend when you’re first starting to grips with this concept, because in effect what it’s saying is that the life you have right now, both the good and the bad bits, have been created by you through your thoughts and emotions. 

Now, if you life is great when fabulous!  However, if your life is not so great it can be hard to hear that you’re responsible for what you’ve got through your thoughts, emotions and actions.  Now, what I’d like to add to this is something that I found really important with Dr Wayne Dyer’s brilliant book ‘The Power of Intent’ - you must not beat yourself up if you find your life ‘lacking’ in any way, because when you attracted that situation/person/problem into your life, you weren’t aware of the law of attraction, so you didn’t know that you’re thoughts and emotions where attracting negative situations to appear in your life.  However, you know now and the sooner you can change your thoughts from negative to positive, the quicker your life will change for the better. 

This ‘law’ is an accepted fact by Quantum Physicists, so don’t think I’ve gone completely mad!   So how does it work?  Well, we are electrical beings, we are made up of electricity.  If you look at any part of our internal or external body through a powerful microscope you’ll see that we aren’t solid at all but a constant moving mass.  Same goes for our thoughts – they are electricity.  When we have a thought, it actually produces an electrical impulse in the brain (which is incredibly easy to measure in a lab) and the interesting part is that negative and positive thoughts have different wavelengths.  When we have a thought, positive or negative, it sends an electrical impulse out from our bodies and attracts back other thoughts, situations people etc that are on the same wavelength we are transmitting.

By the law of attraction, what we put out, we must get back, without exception so put out positive, get back positive and vice versa and it doesn’t stop at just receiving back the same type of thoughts.  You can actually attract what you want into your life.  I’ve got to be truthful, when I first read this I did think it was a load of rubbish, however, the more I’ve studied it over the years and practised it, the more I know that it’s true.

Exercise

Here’s a little exercise (this works every time for me without exception and I use it daily)

The next time you are going somewhere and you think there may be an issue with parking, either before you set out or as you get into the car, visualise a car parking space exactly where you want one.  Ask for it (you don’t have to say anything out loud, you can ask for it silently) and remember to say thank you – then let that thought go.  You’ll find that when you arrive at your destination either the space you imagined will be waiting for you or will become available within a minute or so.

I kid you not.  It’s uncanny.  Give it a go, after all, when have you got to lose?

There is so much I could write about regarding the Law of Attraction, like I say, there are so many books on it so it’s difficult to cover it all in one post, however, I will discuss other aspects that I think may be of benefit in subsequent posts.  As always, please feel free to comment below or mail me if you have a question or something that you require help with.  Until next time, have a fabulous week.

Jo

EFT - Dealing with Anxiety

Taking a break from the job hunting theme of the last few posts, I wanted to share something with you that you may not have come across before and from your feedback about other posts I've done I know that some of you will benefit immensely from. 

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or ‘Tapping’ is becoming increasingly popular in the self development/self help world because it can be used to quickly and easily alleviate and remove the blocks and help release the negative thoughts and feelings that hold us back from achieving our full potential. 

EFT is based on the discovery that imbalances in the body's energy system have profound effects on your personal psychology (kind of in the same way that acupuncture works). Correcting these imbalances, which is done by tapping on certain body locations, often leads to rapid remedies.

You need to suspend any scepticism and give it a go.  I was very sceptical despite my chosen profession, but every time I try EFT myself I always notice a huge positive change in my feelings, thoughts and emotions.  My clients have also reported the same.  Some have told me that they’ve experienced massive positive changes in their emotions especially when they are experiencing more severe negative emotions such as anxiety or fear/panic.

I originally got hold of an e-book written by Gary Craig who ‘invented’ EFT or at least brought it to the fore in the self development world, but that seemed a bit complicated so I searched YouTube to see if I could find a video on it.  Low and behold, I found loads and I’ve tested quite a few out but find that Brad Yates seems to be the best by far.  He has literally dozens of videos based on different subjects/common issues that people have which last between 5 and 15 minutes each.

I do have to stress that when you choose which ‘issue’ you want to tap on; don’t be surprised if it brings up some negative emotions that you weren’t even aware that you had and you may find yourself getting quite upset (not always, but I think it's important to point out).  Its part of the EFT process and is extremely normal and as you work through those emotions with the tapping and repeating what Brad says, those intense emotions will soon dissolve.  Honestly, it really is amazing, just stick with it.

My advice is to rate the intensity of the emotion you are feeling from 1-10 (10 being as strong as it gets) and then rate the feeling again after you’ve done the tapping.  If after the tapping the emotions is more still more than 4, go through the tapping again.

A very small selection of the topics that Brad taps on that I and my clients have found most useful are:

·         Anxiety

·         Fear and panic

·         What Other People Think

·         Trauma and Abuse

·         Clearing Resistance (to literally anything, you alter the wording to suit you)

·         Allowing Money

·         Exercise motivation

·         Positive Expectation

·         Clearing Guilt and Shame

Here’s just one of his videos and I know this one works particularly well for if you're experiencing anxiety.  When you get that tight 'flight or fight' feeling in your chest or stomach that makes it hard to breathe this is a particularly good exercise to completely remove those awful feelings.  As I said, it looks really odd, but give it a go and if you find it helps, search for his other videos on YouTube.  Do what Brad does and repeat the words after him.  You can substitute or add your own words about the particular issue you are feeling anxious about.  That helps even more.

 

I’d love it if you could let me know how you get on if you decide to give it a go.  Just click the comment box below and leave me a message.  I'll continue to scatter Brad's videos through different posts as I feel appropriate as I'm sure that will help a great many of you.

Have a wonderful week.

Jo

5 Job Hunting Top Tips

 

 

Recruitment and selection has changed considerably over the last couple of years and I’ve seen a massive change in not only where and how companies advertise but in the standard of applications they are now expecting.

It’s true that there are fewer jobs around, but companies are still recruiting and the biggest challenge for job hunters is that competition is greater and therefore, they need to know how to get the edge over their competition and it’s not always big things that make the difference.

I’ve prepared a short series covering some of the top tips from my ‘Land Your Dream Job’ e-programme and from my up-coming book of the same name.  In this post, we’ll look at starting your job hunt:

 

Starting Your Job Hunt

 

1.   Use your network

Recent studies have shown that approximately 70% of people now get their next roles through the people that they already know.  I found that quite astounding when I first heard it, but having recently managed a large outplacement/redeployment project for 600 people who were due to be made redundant, I can probably agree with it.

It’s really important that you let everyone know that you’re looking for a job as long as it won’t impact negatively if you’re currently employed.  One thing I hear over and over is that people feel often ashamed if they’ve been made redundant and somehow think that it’s a reflection on them and their ability.  Let me state for the record THERE’S NO STIGMA ATTACHED TO BEING MADE REDUNDANT! Literally everyone I know has been affected by redundancy at least once in their lives, it’s not personal, it’s business and in no way reflects badly on you.   

The more people who know you need a job and what kind of job you’re looking for, the more likely they are to find it for you.  Also it’s not usually the people who are closest to you (immediate family and friends) that the roles originate from but those who you see less frequently or who are casual acquaintances and that’s because they will usually move in different circles to you and will be open to and hear about different opportunities to you.

So remember to TELL PEOPLE YOU NEED A JOB AND WHAT JOB YOU WANT.

 

2.   Be positive

Nobody wants to listen to people who are moaning about their current situation (either that they hate their job, boss, company, life or are totally devastated by being made redundant) and as a Success Coach Michael Neill always says, “desperation smells” and people run a mile from it.

 

No matter how you’re feeling (and I’ve done posts about changing your emotions) when telling people about your need for a new job, you must keep upbeat and positive.  People will be much more likely to help you if you’re positive.

 

3.   Ignore the current ‘Recession Obsession’ and ‘Doom Mongers’

I hear so many people say, “Oh woe is me, there are no jobs out there it says so on the TV and in the papers – everyone knows that if you’re out of work you’ll never get a job or if you do it’ll take forever.  With all the unemployed out there how will I ever find work ... bla bla bla”

What a load of old rubbish!  Like I said in the opening, there are still plenty of jobs out there, you just have to be more tenacious, work a bit harder, be creative and try different job search methods and things that you may not have had to consider before.

If you are job searching, I urge you to not watch the news or read the newspapers for a while or if you do, don’t take anything that’s said literally, let it go over your head.  What most people don’t realise is that the news is full of sensationalism designed to suck us in and shock us.  We are so desensitised these days that the only way news programmes can hold our attention is by telling us how dreadful things are.  Have you noticed that they usually only throw one ‘feel good’ article in a news programme at the very end?  That’s because they know that horror, negativity and sensationalism sells.  In addition to this don’t forget they’re all in competition with each other to see who can push the boundaries and get the most viewers.

You must also watch out for and ignore what I call the ‘Doom Mongers’ around you.  You know those people who are continually negative (I have a friend who calls them ‘Mood Hoovers’).  You need to stay away from those people as much as possible during your job search.  You need to keep as positive as possible and if you spend too much time with these people, you’ll feel your good mood ebbing away pretty quickly.  Also, keep in your mind that what they are saying (if you must listen to it) isn’t personal, they are just reflecting back their own fears – don’t take them on board.

 

4.   Take consistent action

Job hunting takes effort, sustained effort.  Therefore, it’s important that you take some action (at least one hour 5 days a week) on your job search.  You may need to do more than this in the very early stages, especially whilst you're creating your CV.  Most of my clients report back to me saying that they feel like it’s a full time job! 

It doesn’t have to be full time, but like anything else, the more effort you put in the better the results you will get.

 

5.   Use various job search methods

Don’t just think you’ve done some networking your dream job will plop in your lap.  Certainly I have known that happen, but you really need to try a good combination of, if not all of the following job search methods:

o   Networking

o   LinkedIn (Facebook for the business world)

o   Recruitment Consultants/Agencies

o   On-line recruitment sites

o   On-line company job sites (most large companies have their own dedicated on-line job sites

o   Speculative applications

o   Job Centre (for roles under £25,000)

o   Newspapers/Trade Press (hard copies or on-line job sections of their websites)

         

In future posts I'll be talking more about job hunting, CV writing and interview skills.  In the meantime, if you are considering looking for a new role, you may wish to visit my new website dedicated to career management www.land-your-dream-job.co.uk.

See you next time.

Jo

Newsletter Update - Free Book!

I have an apology to make, it has only just come to my notice that sign up form that I have been using for readers to register for my Newsletter has an error in it and unfortunately, it has not been capturing subscriber's details.

Therefore, as an apology and in hope that if you did originally sign up and would do so again or if you haven't done in the past but you would like to now, I am offering a FREE download copy of the wonderful classic 'Law of Attraction' book by Napoleon Hill - Think and Grow Rich.  Although the language takes a little getting used to, it's still a marvellous book and well worth a read.

Again, I hope you accept my sincere apologies for any inconvenience caused and thank you in advance for your subscriptions.

Jo

PS Thank you to those of you who have given me feedback on my new 'Land Your Dream Job' programme and have forwarded or shared the information.  I really appreciate your support.

Land Your Dream Job!

Huge apologies for the prolonged absence, contrary to the common belief that I’ve taken the summer off, I’ve actually been working on quite an exciting project that I’d like to share with you. 

I’ve now created a new arm to my business that is dedicated to ‘Landing Your Dream Job’.

As regular readers will know, I’ve spent nearly 20 years of my career in Human Resources and recruitment and selection has always been a large part of my role.  In fact, over the years I’ve literally interviewed thousands of people for roles ranging from shop floor workers to senior executives.

As you can imagine, over those years I’ve seen a lot of good interviews and well, to put it bluntly, diabolical interviews and I have been recently been able utilise my experiences during a 15 month redeployment/outplacement programme that I managed for a large corporate business (helping people who were about to be made redundant find roles either within their current business or externally). 

During that time the team and I delivered a programme to over 600 people with wonderful results.  Following on from that, I have now designed an amazing e-programme based on my 20 years experience as a recruiter and from the feedback from those 600 people, creating an easy to follow, step by step guide to getting your perfect job.  The programme is packed full of hints and tips that can make all the difference in a competitive job search environment.

The programme consists of 8 Seminar Films with documents for you to download which accompany the seminars.  I wanted to differentiate this from the other services I provide so have created a brand new website designed especially for people who are looking for their next role http://www.land-your-dream-job.co.uk  I’m hoping to create a feedback forum and potentially a job based blog at some point with the aim of encouraging job seekers to build a community where they can support each other whilst they’re going through their job search.

For a limited period I’m offering the e-programme at a reduced price, so if you know anyone who is searching for their next role, whether they've been made redundant, returning work after a break or simply looking for their next career move, then please feel free to forward on the details.  You can find all the information you need on the programme including how to purchase it online by clicking this link.  Alternatively, you may wish to watch the programme overview YouTube video below (I’ve used the format that I use in the Seminars, so you get a taste of what you can expect from the full programme).

If you have any queries regarding ‘Land Your Dream Job’ or any of the other services I provide, please feel free to contact me.  Oh, and you may want to check out my regular website www.whatnextconsultancy.co.uk ... that’s had a bit of an overhaul too!

Until next time, take care and have fun.

Jo

Healing through Self-Hypnosis

I have something that I wanted to share with you that’s actually quite personal but I hope that by telling you about it, I may be able to help others in a similar situation.

Just before Christmas 2011, my father was diagnosed as having prostate cancer.  Obviously we were devastated at the time.  We knew nothing about it then and just hearing the ‘C’ word sent us into a spin.  The hospital told my dad that they didn’t want to operate at that point, but would continue to monitor him on a 3 month basis and gave him an appointment to return to the hospital for further blood tests at the end of March 2012.

I knew my dad was more upset about the diagnosis than he was admitting, and the only thing I could think of to help was to download a couple of Andrew Johnson’s wonderful self hypnosis MP3s for him to listen to.  I’m a big fan of Andrew, his Apps and MP3 downloads really do what they say on the tin and for my dad, I thought that if nothing else they would help him to relax a bit more.  The MP3s I downloaded for him where ‘Healing’ and ‘Positivity’ and I bought him a little portable CD player to play them on.

My dad started to listen to them quite often and he said that he really did feel more positive and less stressed as a result.  He was really optimistic that the results from his next hospital appointment would reflect how he was feeling.  However, when he got the results from his next set of tests, he was shocked to find out that his blood count had gone up (we were all convinced that with all the positive thinking that it would have gone down).  It knocked my dad for the rest of that day, however, the next day he resolved to be even more positive and to listen to the CDs at least 3 times a day (morning, afternoon and before bed) which he stuck to religiously from that day forward.

Today, my dad has had his next 3 month check up at the hospital and I’m pleased to say that his blood count has gone down considerably.  The nurse asked him how he was finding the medication and if he was happy with it, he replied, “What medication?  I haven’t had any.  I’ve just been listening to CDs my daughter gave me”.  Apparently, he should have been taking medication (although the hospital neglected to give it to him) and the nurse attributed the drop in his blood count to the medication – she was amazed when he told her that medication had nothing to do with it, but listening to Andrew’s self hypnosis had.

In addition to this fantastic news, my dad has also suffered from very high blood pressure for years (he takes medication for it but it’s always remained high).  Last week he went to the doctors for a check up and she told him that his blood pressure had gone down from 140 (where it’s been for the last 5 years) to 127.  The doctor was amazed and asked him what he’d been doing to get his blood pressure so low and in the ‘healthy’ category.  My dad proudly told her that he was listening to self hypnosis CDs!  

When you ask my dad how he’s feeling now, I’m pleased to say that he’ll tell you that he’s never felt so well and so positive and has never slept so soundly as he has since he’s been listening to those CDs.

Andrew has a range of Apps (available from the App Store in ITunes) or as MP3 downloads from his website (http://www.withandrewjohnson.com/ ) including:

Success

Stress Free

Procrastination

Get Fit

Lose Weight

Confidence

Don’t Panic

Stop Smoking

Move On

Procrastination

.... plus more.

I can’t recommend them highly enough.  With sustained listening, you can really make a positive difference to your life and they aren’t expensive (but worth every penny).

Until next time, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.  I know I will after the good news I’ve received today!

Jo

PS In case you were wondering, Andrew hasn’t sponsored this in any way and I’m sure there are other good self hypnosis Apps/CDs out there.  I just wanted to share because I have proof that they work and I thought some of you may find this information helpful.