Be Happy!

There seems to be a bit of an epidemic going on in the world – people think that they are going be happy "when...

“I get my new house”

“I get my new car”

“I find a husband/wife”

“I get a new job”

“My children go to University”

“I’m earning more money”

“I can afford to go on holiday/get that new couch/get a new kitchen/finish the house/buy what I want”

Now here’s the shocker, your happiness does not depend on any of those things.  Your happiness is right inside you right now; you just need to look for it.  What happens when we think “I’ll be happy when...” is that you project your happiness into the future.  When you are so busy being focussed on the future, you aren’t able to enjoy what’s happening now.

What also happens when we project our happiness into the future is that the happiness we think we will have tomorrow never comes.  Whether we realise it or not, we create strong neural pathways in the brain ie we condition our minds to believe that happiness is always in the future.  So when you actually do get that new house/car/husband/wife, your mind still believes that happiness is in the future and so your ‘happiness goals’ change eg “I’ll be happy when I get a second house in the country/a bigger car/two cars/an even better job” etc.

Look back at the things that you thought would make you happy.  Did they?  If they did, how long did that happiness last until you were looking for the next thing that would make you happy?  You’d be surprised how many unhappy/depressed millionaires there are out there. You hear in the press all the time about this or that millionaire film star/musician etc suffering from depression and ending up in rehab.  They have every material thing they could ever wish for (and more) and yet they are still unhappy.

HAPPINESS COMES FROM WITHIN

So how do we find out happiness right now?  Stop, stop and look around you.  Look at the good things you have in your life right now.  Get into the habit of thinking about them, giving thanks for them and loving them.  When I’ve said this to some of my more negative clients, you’d be surprised at how many times I end up in the following dialogue with them:

“There’s nothing good in my life”

“Really? So you don’t like your children - they aren't 'good'?”

“Well, yeah, of course they are”

“So you don’t like your house/your parents/your friends and you didn’t like the holiday you’ve just been on?”

“Well yeah, of course I do/did”

“So you don’t like good weather/socialising with lovely friends/walking in the country/your hobbies?”

“Well I suppose I do”

“But you’ve just said there’s nothing good in your life!”

“Well I haven’t got enough money”

“OK, but you do have good things in your life?”

“Yes, I suppose I do”

What I then do is get that person to really think about the things that they love and are grateful for.  This is the exercise with them (read through the exercise once before you start it):

Exercise

1. Think of all the things you love in your life
2. Make up little movies in your mind of you doing or being with those things eg a walk in the park on a sunny day with your children/sitting or lying on a sundrenched beach in the Caribbean (that’s my particular favourite)/having a fabulous meal with your favourite friends – whatever works for you
3. Make those movies as bright, colourful, big and noisy as possible
4. Replay each of your mini movies back to back, over and over again
5. Repeat this exercise as many times as you can during the day (especially when you get any negative thoughts appearing – it’s a wonderful technique removing those)

When you do this (and it only takes a couple of minutes each time you do it) you will start to feel good instantly.  Two things happen when you do this exercise:

1. The mind can’t tell the difference between something that’s real and imagined – therefore when you repeatedly play your movies, you will automatically create the good feelings that go with the good thoughts
2. You create new neural pathways in the brain that associate feeling good and feeling happy NOW instead of sometime in the future (that never comes)

As these are your movies, no-one ever needs to know that you are playing them or what they are.  You can play them at any time and they will always increase your feelings of well being and happiness.  Also, because of the new neural pathways you will be creating, the more you play them, the more easily you will be able to play them.  Thinking of your happy movies will become instant the more you practise and therefore, the associated good feelings will become instant too.

In Summary

Our happiness isn’t in the future, it’s now.  While you’re projecting your happiness into the future you are missing out on happiness now.  So start to look at all the good things that you have in your life now and be thankful for them.  Make it a habit to look for the things that you love, you can do this any time anywhere, when you’re driving, doing the dishes, cooking, walking.  When you make this part of your daily routine, you’ll find that a new world of possibilities opens up and your world becomes a much more positive place to live in.

As always, if you have any comments on this or any other post please let me know.  Until next time, have a wonderful week.

Jo